I’m home. It’s weird. The few days following my last exam before I left were filled with a whirlwind of emotions, mostly bursts of laughter and crying and denial that we were leaving such a beautiful place with incredible people. It all happened so fast, though, that I suddenly found myself back in Pittsburgh. One moment I was 4,209 miles away, and the next I was hugging my brother, shaking with happiness. I keep saying that it hasn’t hit me yet, but honestly, I’m not sure if it’s going to. I leave on Thursday for training in New York for a week and then head straight to Chicago. There isn’t time for it to hit me.
Thinking about what to say in my last post, I reread my first one to see how much my perspective has changed since I left. Preparing to take on another chapter in my life, I was consumed with anxiety and fear for what was to come. My goals for the semester were to learn who I am, like who I am, and find a balance in my life. It’s interesting that here I am, again, about to move to another new city without many friends for an internship that is going to be one of the most difficult challenges in my life up to this point. The difference between the two is that this time around, I’m better. While I am anxious, I’m also ready and I know myself.
Goodbyes are hard. I was thinking about how for the first time in our lives, leaving after a semester abroad is saying goodbye to people we may easily never say again. In high school, there is always the chance to reconnect over holidays or summer breaks. In college, we get four years with our people until having to leave forever. I spent just enough time in Switzerland that it started to feel like home and the friendships I created began to feel real and irreplaceable, and then I had to say goodbye. For the girl that used to cry in the hallways in high school saying bye to her best friend for a weekend, I’ve gotten way better at accepting being away from the people I love, but it still sucks.
While reflecting on the sadder moments makes coming home seem relatively depressing, it’s also incredible that I now have friends from all over the world. I’ve spent time this semester focusing on the positive aspects of my life and practicing acceptance. Life happens. We learn and we grow. We laugh and cry and hurt and forgive. We meet amazing people and they change our lives. It’s a beautiful cycle of self-improvement if we make it that way. This world is miraculous and so are the people in it.
One of the most important lessons I have learned is that kindness is everywhere. Before going abroad, I was pretty pessimistic about the goodness in people – I don’t know if it was from my own personal experiences or a subconscious observation I had made, but I wasn’t convinced. After being in a new place surrounded by people from all over the world, I know now I was 100% wrong. I have received nothing but kindness from every student and person I met on my exchange.
I wrote in my last post about how I had connected with the students from Singapore in my management class. On our first day, I had asked the girl sitting next to me if she wanted to room together on our class trip to Geneva that following weekend. While she did not speak English very well, I could tell she was ecstatic that I had asked her being that they had just arrived a few days earlier and really did not know anyone either. A month later at our farewell dinner the night before I left, she gave me a letter and asked to take a picture together. It was one of the kindest things I had received because she had appreciated our time together even though it consisted of brief communication and friendly hellos.
Thinking back to my favorite memories with the Singapore, Swiss and German students in my classes, traveling to different cities and meeting strangers, or just with the other exchange students in my program, it is always the effortless compassion that people showed me that made the experience. From little acts of kindness, friendships were created. After these last four months, I will be living my life making a greater effort to be kind to those around me knowing how simple, yet powerful compassion can be.
I created a list of lessons I have learned throughout my exchange, and I couldn’t help but laugh at the last thing that came to mind as I reflected on my experience. I have learned that I still know close to nothing. When I say that, I don’t mean that I am stupid or incapable of making progress. I mean that there is so much more to learn about myself and about the world. Earlier this semester, a friend sent me a quote from the book, The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck, by Mark Manson about anti-entitlement.
“The rare people who do become truly exceptional at something do so not because they believe they’re exceptional. On the contrary, they become amazing because they’re obsessed with improvement. And that obsession with improvement stems from an unerring belief that they are, in fact, not great at all. It’s anti-entitlement. People who become great at something become great because they understand that they’re not already great – they are mediocre, they are average – and that they can be so much better.”
A few weeks into my semester abroad, I noticed I had really developed a self-improvement kick from the meditation to the books to the writing, and I realized I was almost passionate about it. It probably has a lot to do with my perfectionist mentality and knowing I can do better, but I also caught myself consistently saying that I “know nothing” for my upcoming internship. Some of my friends started questioning me, telling me I should give myself more credit, but inherently, I had a really difficult time believing I knew more than I felt like I did. When Rachel sent me the quote above, something clicked. I felt like it was okay to not feel like I was the best at something.
As finals were in full swing and I could feel the anxiety piling on, I decided to take breaks from studying by starting Grit by Angela Duckworth, a book about passion and resilience being the secrets to success. Maybe reading about work ethic will help me not fail finals? Who knows. Surprisingly, I couldn’t put the book down after starting it. Time after time of testing the most successful students or champions no matter the domain, Duckworth finds that the highly successful had a kind of ferocious determination that played out in two ways – passion and perseverance, or in other words, grit. It was the resilient, hardworking individuals that knew what they wanted that beat their naturally talented competition every time. While there may be an underlying bias for those with intrinsic gifts and talents, results continuously prove that as much as talent counts, effort counts twice. In explaining why this was the case, it appeared that for most, there was no realistic expectation of ever catching up to their ambitions.
“They were never good enough, and in a very real sense, they were satisfied with being unsatisfied. Each was chasing something of unparalleled interest and importance, and it was the chase – as much as the capture – that was gratifying. Even if some of the things they had to do were boring, or frustrating, or even painful, they wouldn’t dream of giving up. Their passion was endurance.”
Similar to Manson, the argument is made that the idea of never being good enough ends up driving an individual to the point where they end up being the best. As this summer approaches quickly, it is nerve-wracking to think that I will be working with so called “geniuses”, but at the same time, it is also exhilarating and should not be a factor that discourages my own potential. I do not currently view myself anywhere close to the grittiest individuals referred to by both authors, but I hope to one day embody the same passion and perseverance that defines success.
This semester abroad has given me irreplaceable friendships and memories, experiences of a lifetime traveling the world, and a network of kind, intelligent individuals. Not only did I fall in love with Switzerland, but I also fell back in love with myself. I have developed a new work ethic of balance and perseverance to discover my passion, and now that I have spent the time to learn and feel confident in who I am, I know that I am capable of being the best version of myself in whatever I set my mind to next.
Fondue Me 